If Dreams Were Lightening…

Waiting for my cold medicine to kick in and spin me into chemical-induced, dreamless sleep I figured that I could do a little spinning of my own while my eyes stay open and string some thoughts up here on 2bean.  My whole flat is restless tonight and were it not for this Nyquil, I imagine that I would not find sleep for many hours to come…

Doozer and Walter are in the midst of one of their WWF-style kitty smack downs and there are things falling and breaking all around me as they fight for the coveted role of ALPHA kitty tonight.  What they always forget is that I am the alpha kitty and all their hair pulling, rug flipping, cat growling insanity can only ever get them to second place.  I dream sometimes of video taping them when they behave this way or of making them little kitty-friendly mexican wrestling masks and shiny capes…I have other strange kitty notions as well.  Sometimes when they do the little figure 8 between my legs when im trying to feed them breakfast and circle me like sharks i envision making them little hats with dorsal fins…Landshark!  Candygram!

I bet you’re imagining that a) the cold medicine is working and b) perhaps i took too much but in both instances you would be mistaken.  I am simply putting out into the world some funny images that have lived in my head for a long time.  Sometimes buried treasure chest, sometimes toxic waste dump there’s a wealth of random tidbits in there and sometimes I gotta set them free…even the ridiculous ones about turning my sweet kittens into landsharks.  Especially those, I think.

All the work and congestion and snow in the Springtime and longing and waiting has me feeling all stirred up inside.  Like i’m rattling my own cage trying to break out and fly away… This feeling comes over me often and is usually followed by a credit card bill and airline ticket.  Im never quite sure if Im running away from myself or straight into myself.  In a matter of a couple months I’ll be able to contemplate that exact question from a felt ger in the middle of the Gobi desert.

Music has a way of setting me free in the moment…those moments when I have to stay put and do what i’m supposed to so that I can, eventually, fly off into my dreams and see the world like the child I know I am.  Patience is something im learning with age.  This song has debuted here before but here’s a new incarnation…it makes it ok for me to sleep and wake and work again and again and again waiting for those moments of freedom and real, life-affirming adventure.

“How the hell can a person go to work in the morning, come home in the evening and have nothing to say?”

Its a good fucking question.

My head is starting to clear up thanks to chemistry and with that opening is coming a simultaneous closing.  Closing up shop.  Im tired and needing to close my eyes and sleep.  Its true that believing in this living is a hard way to go which is why its good to believe in more.    Tonight Im gonna believe in free, rambling men….the truth of the Gobi…the strength gathered from routine….the strength gathered from breaking routine.  I gonna believe in something I can hold onto and close my eyes a happy woman….